For many women, climaxing and reaching orgasm isn’t so easy, there can be mental obstacles or blocks that can prevent you from fully relaxing and letting go, which makes climaxing and having an orgasm tough, and sometimes impossible. Overcoming these problems will make reaching orgasm much, much easier.
Why you can’t have an orgasm?
These are the mental obstacles we are talking about:
1. Stress
Stress is an obvious one. Of course, it’s going to be difficult to get aroused and feel sexual when feeling stressed about work, your kids or any other major problem. But a lack of physical and emotional intimacy can lead you to feel stressed the next day.
Solution – Stress is a natural part of life, which we often can’t avoid. However, if every day of your life is incredibly stressful, then perhaps you need to take a step back, reassess and find some time to meditate or exercise or to simply have some “me time” so you can destress.
Also, studies have shown that having sex lowers stress the following day…and if you’re less stressed the following day you’re more likely to have sex…it’s a virtuous cycle! So, sex can actually act as a de-stressing exercise for you and your man, in turn making it easier to orgasm.
2. Stressing About The Outcome
A funny thing happens when you stress out about trying to have an orgasm…studies have shown that getting stressed out about reaching orgasm correlates with difficulty achieving orgasm and makes it take longer too. In other words, you can end up becoming so anxious and worried about whether you are using the right technique to orgasm that you stop focusing on what feels pleasurable and enjoyable.
Solution – Although this sounds counter-intuitive, you need to stop focusing on having an orgasm every time you masturbate or have sex. Instead, you need to focus on what feels most pleasurable. So experiment with different techniques and positions to see what you enjoy the most. As you do, you’ll notice that you naturally get closer and closer to orgasming.
3. Feeling pressure to perform
Feeling that you have to “perform” for your man or that he is watching you and judging you during sex, can make you clam up. This ultimately makes it much harder to let go and orgasm.
Solution – Talk to your man. Let him know what you need to feel comfortable and relaxed during sex. Once you talk to him, you may even find that he feels the same amount of pressure to perform for you.
It’s funny, guys often feel as much, if not more pressure to perform during sex. They worry about the size of their penis, maintaining their erection, preventing premature ejaculation, making sure you have a good time, whether or not you like their body and more.
Often, you’ll find that your guy is so worried about himself, that he isn’t even that focused on how you’re “performing”.
4. Body Confidence
If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, then you may feel self-conscious and out of the moment, which is obviously going to make it hard to feel sexy.
Solution – Giving you advice on how to become more comfortable with your body is difficult, but I can say that once you begin to accept your yourself for who are, you will find yourself becoming less self-conscious and notice that it becomes easier to reach orgasm.
5. Sexual Shame
If you’ve had a negative sexual experience in the past or were raised to believe that having sexual feelings and desires was wrong, then you may be dealing with some sexual shame. This sexual shame can act like a weight on your mind preventing you from fully letting go and orgasming.
Solution – Dealing with sexual shame can be as easy as noticing it when it arises and then consciously telling yourself that the feeling you are having (the sexual shame) is something that should be ignored. However, sometimes sexual shame runs a lot deeper, and you’ll need to talk to a licensed counselor or therapist to help you get rid of it.
6. Not Knowing Your Body
Knowing your body, what it responds to and what feels good is vital to learning how to make yourself orgasm. Once you know the right buttons to press to get yourself aroused and turned on, you’ll find that having an orgasm is super easy.
Solution – Experiment. To learn what your body likes best, you need to experiment and try out new things to see what your body responds to. You may find that nipple stimulation, anal masturbation, being submissive or softly brushing your clit in a certain way quickly brings you to the edge.
If you can overcome the above mental blocks, you will find reaching orgasm to be far, far easier.
How to make yourself orgasm easily
Having an orgasm is all about being comfortable with yourself and letting go. Doing this alone first is going to be much easier than doing it with your man. So I suggest that you forget about him until you can reliably masturbate to orgasm by yourself. Once you can orgasm easily by yourself, then get your man involved.
Slow Build Up
You can’t rush orgasms. One thing I strongly recommend when learning how to orgasm is that you slowly (very slowly) build up to it. Think of it as foreplay. Start by having a long shower or bubble bath. Make sure to wash everywhere so that you feel fresh and clean. Dry yourself off and then when you are ready, slip into bed and then turn off the light.
The key, before you get started is to make sure that you feel hot, sexy & comfortable. So if you would feel sexier wearing lingerie, then wear it. If baggy pajamas are your thing, then put them on. But if you feel much sexier and free when you are completely naked then don’t wear anything at all. Remember having an orgasm is all about you, so do what makes you feel best.
The Actual Orgasm
First spend some time caressing your body with your hands. Try to concentrate on the areas that feel best to have stimulated. Then when you are ready to bring your pleasure to the next level, lower your hand(s) towards your vagina. Just above your vagina, is the clitoris, which is the most sensitive spot on the outside of your vagina, is closely linked to arousal and is a pivotal part of your pleasure. This feels like a little, sensitive ‘nub’ of skin and is easier to find when you are aroused.
Sex doesn’t always stimulate the clitoris, especially if your clitoris is smaller or further from your vagina, so you may think that you’ve been unable to orgasm. But at least one study suggests that learning more about the clitoris can help a woman orgasm for the more easily during masturbation and once you know how to easily orgasm during masturbation, we believe it can become easier during sex.
I advise most women to concentrate on this area when they first start figuring out how to orgasm, while also paying some attention to the labia, which are the folds of skin on either side of your vagina on the outside. When you are stimulating your clit, you’ll find that you can get most pleasure by rubbing it from the ‘1 o’clock position’ if you imagined it to be a clock. The ‘one o’clock’ position is the upper left area of your clitoris, so it’s easiest to stimulate with your left hand. Experiment with applying different amounts of pressure to it to see what you enjoy the most.
Then it’s just a case of continuously stimulating your clit while focusing solely on the types of rubbing, pressing and caressing that are most enjoyable. As you do, the pressure and intensity will build and build to a peak until you orgasm.
If you have never made yourself orgasm before, then you’ll need to do a lot of experimentation to see what feels best for you, which is always fun.
How to experience full body orgasmic
Difference of vaginal and clitoral orgasms
Hopefully, you already know this, but in case you don’t, clitoral orgasms come from clitoral stimulation on the outside of the vagina, while vaginal orgasms come internal stimulation from your man’s penis, a dildo, fingers, etc. Many people believe the G-spot inside your vagina, but it may not be a separate entity and may even be from stimulation of the rest of your clitoris that rests beneath the surface.
Clitoral orgasms tend to be more common during intercourse, and less than half of women have regular vaginal orgasms during intercourse. Of the women who report having vaginal orgasms, many find them to be much more intense and satisfying than clitoral orgasms.
The Right Spot
Having a vaginal orgasm is slightly different for every woman.
1. Some women can have one from general stimulation throughout their vagina from their man’s penis. They don’t need their man to hit a particular spot.
2. Others need intense stimulation on their G Spot on the anterior wall if they want a vaginal orgasm. Although some people don’t believe in a distinct anatomical structure known as the G-spot, we firmly do. It’s located about 2 inches inside your vagina on the anterior wall, but it can be difficult to find.
3. Some women need intense stimulation on their A Spot (this spot also has other names such as the Deep Spot, the anterior fornix erogenous zone or the AFE). This is on the anterior wall of your vagina just like your G Spot but is deeper. You can see its location below.
However, you might find other spots to be pleasurable as sensitivity in the vagina varies.
Finding out what kind of stimulation you need for a vaginal orgasm depends on your body and preferences. So, you’re going to need to do a bit of experimentation to discover what feels best.
Vaginal Orgasm Techniques
1. Angle/Position
You then need to think about the most satisfying angle or position of penetration whether you are using a dildo or having sex. Is your dildo pointing upwards, downwards or slightly into the side of your vagina? Is it parallel? Once you figure this out, you can then replicate this angle with your man during sex.
2. How Deep?
There is a silly myth floating around that deeper is always better. This is certainly true for some women, but NOT for all. The G Spot is between two and three inches deep in your vagina, so if you need G Spot stimulation to bring you over the edge, then you may not need particularly deep penetration at all.
However, there is also an area much deeper in your vagina called the A Spot. Some women have intense, full body orgasms when this part of their vagina is stimulated. Obviously if you prefer having your A Spot stimulated during sex, then you’re going to prefer deeper penetration from your man.
3. Fast Or Slow?
Another myth that perpetuates is that faster is always better. You probably already know how untrue this is. A more accurate description is that the RIGHT RHYTHM is best. Finding a fast, slow or medium paced rhythm is a critical part of having vaginal orgasms.
You’ll also find that a steady rhythm is much more preferable than stopping and starting or going from fast to slow or vice-versa.
4. Rough Or Gentle?
Another personal preference is how hard you like it. Do you like gently making love with your man with soft, loving strokes or do you prefer more animalistic, intense, wild sex where he is penetrating you with everything he’s got?
Most people enjoy both, depending on their mood. After a wild night out, intense sex can be a lot more fun. But, if you’ve just had an emotional, heart-to-heart conversation with your man, then more loving and intimate sex will probably feel more appropriate.
5. Size
There is no other way to put this: Size does matter when it comes to having vaginal orgasms. If your man is too short or does not have enough girth, then he won’t be able to stimulate you as intensely. However, if he is too big then he is going to feel very uncomfortable inside you and sex can feel painful instead of pleasurable. The same problem arises if your man is too long.
For a significant amount of women, the ideal penis size is average or a little above average, provided it is attached to a man that knows what he is doing and is willing to listen to your feedback.
However, some women prefer penises on the larger side, while other women prefer them on the smaller side. It all comes down to your personal preference.
6. That Magic Touch
Not many people consider this technique. It’s all about your man applying constant pressure to a particular spot in your vagina with his penis. To perform the Magic Touch, he needs to penetrate you so that the tip of his penis is pressing against a particular spot and then just hold himself in place, keeping constant pressure applied.
A good spot for him to hit with the tip of his penis during the Magic Touch is your A Spot when he is deep inside you.
Many women report that the Magic Touch feels fantastic, while some don’t get much pleasure from it at all.
7. The Right Position
It goes without saying that the right position during sex is vital for orgasming vaginally. Like with the techniques I describe above, the only way to find the right position for you to have a vaginal orgasm is by testing out many different positions and seeing what works.
Conclusion
The final thing to say on achieving vaginal orgasms with your man is that you need to talk to him. As cheesy as it may sound, communication is key. When you can share tips with each other on what you both enjoy, you will quickly get in sync and find having vaginal orgasms to be easier and easier.
